apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
