She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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