the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize