I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
