I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
