Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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