i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
either way he was missing a nipple.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
