I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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