Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
