Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
