I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
