PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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