sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
