Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
