My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
