How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
