): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize