There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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