Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize