I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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