i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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