woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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