You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The best revenge is premature balding
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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