facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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