I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
