New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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