dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
