my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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