you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize