Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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