Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
