So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
