the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
