Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
