I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
