Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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