Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
