i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drunk is a universal language darling
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize