Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
