Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
