I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
