Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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