I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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