I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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