Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
