the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's shark week go big or go home
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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