I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
