I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
there is glitter all over my balls
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
