no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
try to milk me bitch
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
