i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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