between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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