He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
