my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
