I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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