There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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