I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize