I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
