There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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