I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
