Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
