She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
