ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
