my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
