Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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