If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
