Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
