Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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