My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
