If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
