I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
