I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
