I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
