i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
