Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
