So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
