we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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