dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You ruined the universe
Randomize
