I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
