wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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