3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize