areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
