That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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