i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
