Cold hands, warm shart.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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