just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
