Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
