Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
