oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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