lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
