how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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