Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
