I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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