I accidentally had phone sex last night
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize