Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
