People in love make me want to vomit
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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