Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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