I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
