Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
