no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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