I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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