he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i drank out of a bidet.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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