I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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