that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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