oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Boobs speak an international language.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
