God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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