Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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