Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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