He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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