Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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