dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
