I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
