the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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