it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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