Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
