yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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